On day 15, I started to feel the seeds of dread slipping
in. How was I going to make it though another 15 classes? That was Monday, and instead of making my usual 9:15 am class, I dragged myself to the 1;15 pm class and got out just in time to pick up my son from school. I was proud of myself, I did it, but I was keenly aware of how challenging this challenge was getting for me and I mentally prepared myself for what was to come.
Tuesdays class was physically challenging and I went to battle with my mind to stay with it. Still feeling a wave of dead as I entered the room, I was given the opportunity from to teacher to reflect on my mind/body connection. By the middle of the class, I just wanted it to be over. I was forcing the poses and living in exhaustion and resentment. Then came the voice of my yogi (shout out to D'Andre, Core Power Yoga, Torrance), asking us all to examine where we were in each pose? Could we find that negative energy and shift it with our breath. Challenge ourselves, with out forcing ourselves. So I listened, and I wasn't suprized to hear myself wanting to give up, give in...I was never going to make it to 30 days.
This is exactly what a challenge is all about. It is that moment that we reflect on who we are at our core, our strengths and our demons, and what we need to do to shift our of that old story and into a new one.
Wednesday came much easier. Not only was I listening to my mind/body connection in each pose but I found myself on the otherside of apathy and in anger. This for me, is a move in the right direction and my heart filled with joy, for I know that I was home free. I went to sleep that night full of curiosity, wonder, and excitement. What were these next 13 classes going to give to me, how high could I shift my energy?
Yesterday started slow, my lower back was giving me a lot of trouble and I popped 4 Advil on my way to a Sculpt class. 45 minutes into the class my middle back seized up, not a total shut down, but enough to that I do not expect to not make it back to yoga until Monday. It has been over 24 hours and I was expecting to feel dejected and depressed....but I don't . I am confident in my commitment to the process. I have tapped into an understanding into what it takes to move beyond old habits, old behaviors, old belief system. I was truly excited for the last 13 day of the challenge. Excited to push myself, excited to learn where and when the resistance comes, and excited to breath through it as I shift out of the old story into the new. This interruption is only that, a moment in time. I see it clearly now, today, and I am whole.